A psychic, a poet, and arthritis
"I think all art is made by the dead and we don't know it." - Andrea Gibson
Today’s post was written while listening to Lucius, a band I deeply love and resonates with my mind, body, and soul in ways I won’t attempt to describe.
The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a doozy, if I’m being honest, starting with last Sunday - when I typically sit down to write (and have a good cry… it’s cathartic). Needless to say, I missed last week and I’m back with some insight into the big three over the past 13 days:
My experience with a psychic healer
A podcast episode with spoken word artist and poet Andrea Gibson
My sweet angel baby kitty Silhouette “Silly” and her recent arthritis diagnosis
Shall we?
A Psychic
Last Sunday, sort of on a whim after a rough couple of days at work and in life, I decided to schedule a visit with a psychic healer because… why not? I traveled to Kripalu in the Berkshires (the western region of Massachusetts), which is a “center for yoga and health”. I’ve attended workshops here previously, and thought it would be a good place to start the whole psychic journey.
My psychic healer was a woman hailing from Manhattan. She told me how much she loves soap operas and had an intense Long Island accent. The office was clearly shared for various “psychic healers” - as it didn’t have any mementos / keepsakes / pictures / etc. All the things that make an office someone’s. Essentially, it was a bit stark and a bit bright (very sunny day) and not-so-cozy.
Nevertheless, we sat down and she got right to work. She asked me only for three details about myself:
My full birth name
My birthday
The town and state where I was born
She explained she would use this information to call forth my spirit guide or guides - which were assigned to me at birth. In order to call forth the right spirit guides, this information was needed so she didn’t connect with the wrong ones. Once connected, she would be “in a trance”, and it would be her and spirit guide (or guides) communicating with me.
After rocking back and forth and chanting my information for about 45-60 seconds, she made contact and connected with my spirit guide (I think it was just one, but honestly, I didn’t ask). It was from there, she spent about 35-40 minutes of our 50ish minute session to chat with me about:
My negative self-talk
Body inflammation
Sleep habits
My close relationships
To be honest, she didn’t seem to be in much of a trance - though I’m not sure what that would be like, and… I didn’t ask. All this to say, I guess this was a part of the “healing” aspect of the psychic journey I was on.
By the time we got to the “talk to dead people” part, there was only 10-15 minutes less. I was a bit disappointed, especially after she mentioned “oh, wow, there’s a lot of people here to talk with you”. Then the next 5-8 minutes were taken up trying to identify the first dead woman trying to make contact. When it was determined it was a friend’s mother, she could sense that was not who I was hoping to chat with and she directly said “No thank you, please get out of line, who’s next?” I mean, I’m not dead (I don’t think - is this a simulation?), but it still felt kind of rude. I was told not to worry and they don’t care and understand. I hope so - sorry friend’s mom!
Sadly, for the last 5 minutes - not enough - I was able to connect with my Uncle Kevin. I’ll keep most of this part of the experience to myself, but what made it feel real to me is that she kept saying “a man is here saying ‘hi sweetie’”. Remember - the only information she asked about me was the three items I mentioned at the beginning. My uncle always greeted me with “hi sweetie”. Take it for what you will. Overall - it wasn’t enough time to explore, but she mentioned two key things he wanted me to know:
he’s been trying to reach me, and
he hopes I understand it’s okay to be “good enough”
More to come on this overall journey… I’ll be scheduling a session with a Psychic Medium - different person, different approach. Stand by…
A Poet
A friend recently sent me one of the “calm news” episodes from the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, hosted by Glennon Doyle, her wife Abby Wambach, and her sister Amanda Doyle. So, can’t recommend “calm news” enough in light of the horrors going on in the U.S. and worldwide, but it led me to exploring some of the other episodes… and I found their episode with spoken word artist/poet Andrea Gibson titled “The Bravest Conversation We’ve Had”.
When I say this episode is exactly what I needed when I needed it, I am not exaggerating. It was a breath of life and fresh air. It was precious. It made me laugh and it made me cry. It made me grateful and in awe of the world around me in the moments I was listening and realizing I need to remain more in awe (for good reasons, too) as a natural state to better “get by”.
Without spoiling this episode, I have to say that Andrea Gibson is uniquely positioned to discuss death (and ultimately life) in a way that is both courageous and beautiful.
If you are seeking a brave conversation on death, and honesty like your life depends on it, I recommend a listen. And let me know what you think.
For this part, i’ll leave you with one of my favorite Andrea Gibson poems, “To Go All In”:
That I commit to a life of opening and learning,
that I commit to learning at a speed that is vigilant and awake,
that I commit to knowing where my empathies lean and why they lean there,
that I become increasingly familiar with the why of what raises my voice,
that I become increasingly familiar with the why of what lulls me to silence,
that I be haunted by the ghosts of who my silences have harmed,
that I acknowledge that haunting is love,
that I trust love lives in whatever points at the dark,
that I acknowledge that shame would likely be my laziest gesture,
that I stop denying I am a whole person,
and my wholeness is often unlovable,
and my wholeness is often lovable,
that I own the possibility that there isn't a thing one could say about the person I am that I could wholeheartedly deny, all of it- yes,
all of the ugly - yes,
all of the beauty - yes,
I have failed and will continue to fail,
I have loved and will continue to love,
I am committed to learning and opening,
I want people around me who are committed to learning and opening,
people who are failing and loving,
people who are stalking their own vigilance, the speed of their own compassion,
saying,
"FASTER FASTER FASTER."
Arthritis
And, finally… after the interesting psychic experience and being cracked wide open by the podcast (and numerous other life things), my soul cat - Silly - stopped walking on Thursday night/Friday morning. She was barely moving around and, when she did manage to move, she was dragging her back legs. It was clear something wasn’t right and it was clear she was in pain.
An emergency visit to the vet (with blood pressure tests, temperature checks, and x-rays) informed me that Silly has some significant arthritis in her (very muscle-atrophied) back legs and spine. Basically, walking was both great effort and great pain for her.
Luckily, the vet let me know a new treatment was out to help manage the pain from arthritis for cats. One shot in the neck with this medication (and monthly injections from here until her time on earth has passed) and a prescription for gabapentin later, and we were on our way home. She was tired, anxious, and still in pain. Once gabapentin was in her system, she was loopy and slept in her drug-induced bliss.
My partner and I were up all night with her to ensure she was comfortable. It would be a few days until we had a normal sleep. But, worth it.
I will say - not knowing what was going on with her had me worried. It made me confront the reality that she (and my other cat, Ellum) are getting much older (she is about 14 and he is about 16). Their death is closer than it is far.
Pets are family - I think we shall discuss the reality of pet death in subsequent posts.
In the meantime, hug your furry friends closer tonight… and for those of you who can’t, be grateful for the rainbow bridge.
Memento Mori,
Kelsey